Not Dead.

It might be mildly philosophical. Maybe.
Really, it's just an update:

On Happiness, Glorious Light, and Singledom.

I used to think I was a strong proponent of the thought that one must be happy single before one is capable of finding joy in a committed relationship.

auuugh!

If I had my way, I'd be covered in feathers.
I'd spread my arms wide aiming for a hug, soar high and dip low with a voice like R&B.

--
Hi.
I'm sick again.
I'm always sick, but this is a relapse sick right before I go out of town.
Also I spent all day alone. (An extrovert spending a day alone. You know. No good.)
I feel...not good (such an understatement).

Alas.
Also...I really want to read an essay I wrote as a vlog.
But I also don't.
Decisions, decisons (do I have the time?)

You Know You're an ENFJ When...

1. …you love EVERYONE, and feel like you could never run out of love for people. Basically you want to hug the world.

2. …you get teary eyed about most everything because you feel everything so confoundedly deep and intensely. You can experience an intense high one moment and an intense low the next moment and still be clinically sane.

3. …you're a hopeless romantic, and all you really want is that "one true love." Just the thought of falling in love is exhilarating. 

4. …you keep all of your promises and commitments. If circumstances force you to break a commitment or promise, you feel guilty about it to an irrational extent. 

5. …you feel the worst after having to turn down someone in need of your assistance. 

6. …it is automatically assumed that you will be the leader or instructional figure in groups--even if you don't want to be or weren't planning on filling that position. 

7. …you seldom speak ill of others, and when you do you beat yourself up over it for months afterwards. You will probably even show an increase of love towards the person you spoke ill about to assuage your guilt. 

9. …you feel as though nobody is really "mean" or "cold," and that there is an explanation for everyones actions. It is difficult for you to really believe in "bad people."

10. …you get frustrated if there isn't a plan for the day--even your spontaneity needs to be planned in. You can be so afraid of unplanned time (and have so many people to care for) that you overwhelm yourself with responsibilities. 

11. …you frequently forget to plan to take care of yourself. Others are prioritized over yourself and you will gladly give up sleep and time and food just to help. In fact, you're not happy unless you're helping others.

12. …you firmly believe that everything will work out for the best and that challenges, conflicts, and problems are just little blips in a bigger, happier outcome. 

13. …smiling and laughing is the best.

14. …you blame yourself for anything and everything that goes wrong in any situation. 

15. …you desperately need affirmation but don't want to ask for it and take the love-light off of your friends who probably need the attention more, anyway.

16. …everyone who isn't accustomed to positive attention from others assume you're romantically interested in them--especially since you tend to find yourself on dates accidentally.

17. …you only let those closest to see when you're angry, hurt, embarrassed, or negative. You guard your "bad" side very religiously because you don't want to burden people with any of your problems. Very few people will ever see this and as such many people assume you live a carefree and problem-free life.

18. …you ignore or avoid someone who upsets you to avoid conflict. Conflict is something to be avoided at all costs.

19. …seeing someone you care for getting hurt causes you to become a rage monster, and you WILL exact your revenge in a very scary, personal manner. Your knack for understanding people and discovering their emotional weaknesses makes you very capable of making people hurt for a very long time. 

20. …you need alone-time to process things and unwind even though you're an extrovert. However, too much alone time sends you in a negative spiral deep into a pit of despair. Additionally, spending time in negative interactions with people will give you an immediate need for introvert-time so you can recharge.

Honorable mention (not sure if this is really ENFJ in general, or just some ENFJs):

you're legal signature probably has a smiley face incorporated into it.

Animals. You love them. A lot.

You can't watch horror movies.

when driving to 3 or more stores really close together you plan your exact route in advance in your head based solely on the stress levels incurred from ease of accessing various parking lots

Naptime

I haven't any profound thoughts to share.
Although, yesterday I did find the time to type out some thoughts in the form of freestyle poetry, I am disinclined to share them.
Rereading them was atrocious, and I'm not really sure where I was going with them.

I have a lot of hypothetical spiel about guys and friendships vs relationships...but I'm not really sure I want to get into them as I have a vague feeling I might be living in denial about a certain guy and our friendship.

I had a rough week, but I don't want to prattle about my problems seeing as I'd have to relive the past to type it all out, and that does not sound even remotely appealing.

I haven't read any interesting books and, while I have seen lots of interesting videos, I'm not inclined to post a bunch of youtube links today--my brain is too tired to formulate any decent thoughts on intelectual subjects today.

I think I'll just nap until it's time to head down to church.
And maybe something abstract and weighty will hit me over the head while I dream.
Or, rather, while I lay there with my eyes open wishing I could muster the strength to actually sleep.

Who ever thought that naptime would become a difficult feat!?
Certainly not I.